To My Fellow Women:

Let me ask you a question. When did you realize that you were a woman?

So, sometime in January, I submitted an answer to the question, 'What made you smile today?' I responded, "I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was like "wow she's hot." I've been on this journey of growing in self-esteem, becoming a woman and growing to love the one God created. So this thought really caught me off guard and it made me smile. Even now, but not all the time, it still surprises me when I react kindly or in-awe of who I see in the mirror. Growing up with eczema has played a huge part when it came to hindering my self-esteem. I recognize now that even back then, I had really good friends, and really good family members with the best intentions. But rather than seeing their intentions with love, I saw it as fuel to my insecurity and a reminder that I was a failure. I convinced myself that I had to 'get better.'

The new year of 2020 had started and I applied for a boudoir photoshoot, which is an organization called Beauty and Grace that promotes empowering women and redefining beauty while helping women out of sex trafficking. Preparing for the photoshoot, I went to pick out lingerie and I felt so foreign in a Victoria Secret dressing room. One, being a place I felt so inexperienced and the other of safety-- this is where I began to look at myself differently.

Going into unknown territory always brings a sense of intimidation. Crossing over into the lingerie section had me in disarray. My thoughts were scattering, jumping from price to style, to color, to thought of the regulations of sanitation. With choices in hand, I go into the dressing room. After laughing at certain styles and feeling a bit lost I asked for help. Top tip: asking for help is not a bad thing. I not only was able to find the style that I wanted, but I left with a life-altering knowledge. At 24-years-old, I can now say that I finally know my bra size. If that was not enough to boost my confidence I found this matching lace bottom to that push-up bra. The matching set was a wedding-dress white. (That's not the actual description, but that's the vibe I got from it.) I looked at myself and had so many thoughts going through my head: (1) my future husband is going to see this and (2) wow. I almost cried because in that moment I saw a Woman. She was not proving her worth through works neither was she fulfilling someone else's needs. She wasn't doing-- she was being and this human being realized she was a woman.

She was not proving her worth through works neither was she fulfilling someone else's needs. She wasn't doing-- she was being and this human being realized she was a woman.

Another moment happened in the same week trying on dresses in the Target fitting room. As I was shopping a few things came to mind. I began thinking it is not like she was a young girl running with a troupe to try on woman's clothes. It is not like she was adorning body-fitted dresses to affirm her belief that one day she could pull it off when she grew up. No. She went in alone. She had hard-earned cash in her pockets. And before her standing in front of the Target dressing room mirror, she was someone older. Wiser. She was grown. A woman.

So I guess the question cannot just be answered by one moment, it might take a few. I just want to encourage you that you are becoming. You are growing. You are unraveling. Through surrendering. Through a better mindset. Or simply and magnanimously realizing your worth. Your unraveling of womanhood will never stop, but it does have a valuable beginning. 

So let me ask again, when did you realize that you were a woman?

You can follow Ami Bulauitan on her social media and check out the stickers she created, which you can purchase as well!
Instagram: @shitakesmushrooms